What I Wish I had Known Before Entering Therapy as a Client
Exploring new methods of caring for your mental and emotional wellbeing can be scary and confusing, especially if you don’t know where to start or what to expect. I well…
Nowadays, it’s become more and more common for people to acknowledge and accept the importance of looking after one’s own mental and emotional health.
Engaging in ‘Therapy’ with a qualified and experienced professional is increasingly accepted to be a way to help improve one’s own mental and emotional health.
However, some myths and stigma around ‘going to therapy’ or ‘being in therapy’ do remain in the public collective and individual consciousness.
The myths and stigma around ‘Therapy’ can act as barriers, preventing people from accessing a service which can help improve areas of life which are crucial to living a meaningful and enjoyable life.
With the pressures and stresses and realities of modern life, investing time and money into improving one’s own mental and emotional health can seem like an unaffordable or unnecessary luxury.
Some people even believe going to therapy indicates they are somehow admitting to a weakness or a defect within themselves. My very own older brother who I love dearly cannot believe people would pay money to go and speak to a professional. I can hear his voice as I write this, with a tone of some puzzlement; ‘‘So, essentially Mark, you just listen to people for a job – and they pay you for that?’
I try to explain there is a bit more to it than just listening, and yes, listening is an essential part of therapy. I have explained to my brother that if I can listen closely and carefully to what clients are saying and what they are not saying, clients invariably become better able to listen to and respond to their own needs.
People, like my dear brother usually have underlying beliefs, conditioned into them by family and friends that: ‘Therapy is for weak people’ and ‘Life is tough, so you just have to toughen up’ etc, etc.
My brother chooses not to engage in therapy and that is entirely his choice which I respect. I do have a strong sense he is terrified of engaging in therapy which I also understand and respect. Going to therapy can feel very scary for some people, not knowing what might emerge.
However, just as a car or a house or a garden requires maintenance, your mind and your emotions can also benefit from some professional care and attention from time to time.
In this way, ‘going to’ or ‘being in therapy’ can more easily be thought of in the same way you would engage the services of a mechanic or a plumber or a gardener if you wanted help with something in those areas.
Sure, you might have the time and the natural ability to carry out some basic DIY or car and garden maintenance by yourself, although sometimes the presenting issues may require you to employ a professional.
Engaging the services of a qualified and experienced therapist is in many ways like engaging the services of a qualified and experienced tradesperson. Both therapist and tradesperson exist to help you the client resolve an issue you want resolved.
Of course, the crucial difference is a therapist will work with you to understand any mental and emotional issues or barriers you are experiencing. Then they will introduce tools and practices for you to practice with and learn how to use your own inner resources to enable you to better manage whatever the presenting mental and emotional issues are.
At Metta Therapy, clients are supported to learn and to integrate safe and natural practices and processes, helping them resolve issues and enjoy and maintain improved mental and emotional health.
Misleading portrayals in the media and from people who went to one session and did not like it or get any benefit from it can fuel these myths about therapy.
The reality is, ‘Therapy’ with a qualified and experienced professional is a potentially life-changing supportive service.
To ensure you the reader who may be considering therapy is not further misled by misconceptions around therapy, the 5 most common myths about therapy will now be highlighted, discussed and debunked.
Contrary to this belief, early intervention and engagement is preferable in therapy, rather than entering therapy as a last resort, such as when in crisis.
Indeed, it is not actually safe or possible to provide effective therapy (or hypnotherapy) if someone is in the middle of a serious mental health crisis, such as a psychotic episode.
This is because psychological contact between therapist and client needs to be present for therapy to be effective.
I often hear from clients that they weren’t sure if how they were feeling and thinking was ‘bad enough’ to seek therapy, which is a strong indication that they have been struggling for a long time, before seeking therapy.
Going back to the tradesperson analogy, why wait until all the pipes in your house have burst before calling a plumber? Or, similarly, why wait until your garden has become completely overgrown and unmanageable before calling a professional gardening service?
Of course, therapy can be valuable for people in the middle of a serious mental and emotional health crisis. In such cases, this would usually involve a period of safety and stabalisation before the real work of therapy begins.
When clients approach therapy, not in crisis but with a feeling or a knowing that they have some issues which they want to work on, then they are often more able to make effective use of therapy as they have more resources to draw from compared to people in crisis.
Therapy can help with improving self-esteem, feeling more confident in relationships, letting go of old distressing memories, addressing imposter syndrome, setting boundaries in tricky family situations, reducing stress and anxiety etc, etc.
Accessing therapy when you’re relatively stable will set the stage to build a strong connection with your therapist. At times, therapy especially in the early stages is often about safety and stabilisation, building a safe enough platform, or internal structure(s), to carry out deeper therapeutic work is very important.
You’ll also be able to absorb information and learn new skills more easily when you’re not in crisis. This means if your wellbeing does take a dip, you’ll be better positioned to receive support from a therapist you trust, using tools you’re already familiar with.
Talking about your emotional experiences can make you feel incredibly vulnerable, so it makes sense that talking to a friend would seem like the obvious place to go.
While it’s important to have a strong support network around you, talking to a therapist offers a distinct form of support.
Due to the uniquely personal, professional and confidential relationship which exists between client and therapist, therapy provides a dedicated space focused on helping the client make meaningful progress.
Friends may want the best for you, but they will have their own biases and influences whereas a therapist will offer more than just a space to vent.
Therapists are trained to look for patterns in thoughts/feelings, behaviours and beliefs and to provide an open, non-judgemental space where deeper concerns can emerge and be explored and addressed safely.
There is value in examining your childhood, because it forms your worldview and determines how you feel, perceive, and react to current situations. However, therapists are trained in different approaches, and the style of therapy will depend on the specific modality they use.
Some therapeutic approaches, like psychodynamic therapy, do focus heavily on childhood, but not all therapy is like that.
Therapists today are more likely to in an interactive collaborative process, based on dialogue and the client’s active engagement in joint problem-solving. The process is still very much client led with the therapist alongside the client helping the client make sense of their experiences.
Together the therapist and client identify problems, set goals, and monitor progress. Sometimes tasks are identified and agreed for the client to carry out between sessions to help them integrate the tools and practices which the therapist may introduce to help the client help themselves with whatever issue(s) are being worked with.
At Mettatherapy, it is very much about tailoring each therapy session to what the client needs. The client’s childhood experiences might be explored if this is useful although present day issues will also emerge in therapy sessions.
To use an analogy, at Mettatherapy the client is in the driving seat of the car. The therapist is alongside the client, helping them navigate the road ahead. Of course, it can be helpful to check the mirror and look over the shoulder when driving from time to time – but not all the time!
Therapy is like driving a car. It is useful to know what is behind you i.e. your past, but the focus needs to be on what is present and in front of the client. You cannot drive a car whilst looking over your shoulder – unless you are reversing the car. Therapy is like driving a car. There may be periods where the client wants to or needs to reverse (talk about childhood) to help change direction – but most of the time the client will want to move and look forward, with an awareness of the past that no longer influences them in unwanted ways.
Private therapy isn’t accessible to everyone, which is perhaps why the National Audit Office estimates 1.2 million people are on NHS mental health waiting lists. However, there are alternative routes to professional support.
For example, local charities offer free or low-cost therapy, and you might get access to therapy through your health insurance or workplace Employee Assistance Programmes (EAP). In some cases, you can even get help through your partner or family member’s EAP.
Students at colleges and universities can often access free or low-cost counselling through their place of education. Some counsellors offer sliding scale fees and concessions for those in need.
At Mettatherapy, x 2 session time slots are held for clients at a reduced concessionary rate. This is intended to widen access and inclusivity so those on a low income can access Mettatherapy services at a reduced rate.
You can also use various counselling directories to filter your results for your area by budget and look for therapists who offer concessionary rates. You can check out: www.counselling-directory.org.uk and www.psychologytoday.com
Also, remember that therapy doesn’t need to be a weekly commitment. Most therapists are happy to schedule fortnightly appointments, which might make it more affordable to you.
While the pandemic pushed many healthcare services online, a 2023 study of 27,540 NHS patients with mood or anxiety disorders, published in Nature Mental Health, found that online therapy was just as effective as in-person sessions.
For people with busy schedules or limited time to spend on travel, taking therapy online makes the therapeutic process more accessible to some clients. For clients choosing online therapy there can be more options of therapist available to choose from as the location of the therapist in relation to the client is not an issue.
This can be useful for clients looking for specialist support from a particular therapist and/or with a particular therapeutic style and modality. One of the biggest advantages of online counselling is the ability to log on from the comfort of your home. This can ease anxiety, and lead to more positive outcomes.
Ultimately, online or in person, no one is going to be able to predict exactly what your experience will be in therapy. Time and time again, studies have shown it is not so much the experience of the therapist or even the modality used when working with clients which predicts successful outcomes in therapy. Rather, it is the clients experience of the relationship which develops between client and therapist.
As Carl Jung, the late great Transpersonal and Psychoanalytic therapist wrote: ‘The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.’
Whether you’re dealing with a crisis, navigating workplace issues, or simply want to understand yourself better, don’t let outdated perceptions hold you back from getting professional support, and leading the life you deserve.
